Weeds

Here are some weeds from our hay and weed filled backyard. They are strange, prickly, and enormous. Some, like the one below, is growing through the leaves of a tree and is as tall as me. I like taking pictures of ugly things and trying to find something beautiful or interesting about them.

Today is therapy. Ron usually takes me, but he has to work so I'm on my own. I'm already running late as I should be in the shower right now, but don't really care. I feel old and rotten, overused like so much rubbish.

Good things:

Ronald
Amelia and tennis balls
Pajamas
Yoga Journal
Apple juice

Bad things:

Feeling worthless
My wedding ring doesn't fit during the Summer because my finger swells
Cramps
Being alone
Hiccups

Breakfast

My orange juice and powder blue coffee mug looked so pretty in the sun this morning. Its nice to be home and having a slow morning. I woke up when Ron left for work (6 am) and am hoping to have a productive day.

This picture is a little blurry but I love Amelia's silly morning face. Paul taught her to play fetch while we were gone. She will bring a toy back and if you say "thank you" she will give it to you. So cute!

Isabelle didn't learn any new tricks but does have a sleepy face this morning.

I'm feeling pretty good this morning. Last night I dreamt our house was falling apart, happy to wake up and realize there are only two holes in the floor rather than hundreds. I love our little bungalow.

The end of an era

We are at the airport with time to kill before our flight. I don't like saying things like "kill" when we are about to go on an airplane, but I just did. As you can see, I am very scared of flying. I already have one Klonopin in me (my pill that gives me the bravery to fly) and may need to take another one before we leave. This morning I was lying in bed with my heart pounding nearly out of my skin imagining our fateful deaths that felt imminent. Silly me.

We have had a great trip. Last night we went to dinner with jk3a (aka Jared) wiltontilt (aka aaron) and there wives and a few others. It was a lot of fun. Jared and Aaron are both professional poker players and Jared is Ron's poker coach. They are all really down to earth, laid back and cool. The buffet we went to is famous for its spicy crab legs and shrimp. Since I hate seafood with a passion I had turkey and mashed potatoes. I wish I took a picture of all the shrimp and crab that was on the table! All the guys had two to three heaping plates of the stuff, it was crazy. Sadly, the shrimp, or scrimp as Ron calls it, didn't settle too well in his belly so he has some eaters remorse.

Jesus was hanging from the ceiling in the Rio! I think it is supposed to be a lady, but her veil looks like a beard and as we know, Jesus is a party-er. He was right in the middle of the dancing ladies and slutty songs of sin city Vegas. I wonder what he was thinking, but love him nonetheless.

I'm excited to be coming home. It was nice to relax and hang out, but I am ready to get back to life- our little house and the puppies. I missed them terribly. Aaron and his wife Missy have the cutest puppy named Dexter. He is a King Charles Cavilier Spaniel, 5 months old and so friendly. We did a lot of snuggling. I wish he could meet Amelia, Isabelle and Winnie as I'm sure they would be fast friends.

xox

"When I was drinking when I was with you"

Its our last full day here in Vegas. So far it has been fun and relaxing. We are losing at poker but still have the whole day to hopefully turn that around.

Last night Ron took me to see the Phantom of the Opera. We have seen it here at least three times but it is such a great show we wanted to see it again. Then we went to the Grand Luxe Cafe for a late dinner. And to top it all off we had milkshakes from room service for dessert. We had a thoroughly good time.

Good things:
Ronald
We get to see the puppies tomorrow
Booze
Naps
My medication can now be covered through my insurance instead of paying out of pocket, a savings of $1000 a month.

Bad things:
Someone scraped up our rental car
We are losing
Our room has a turquoise headboard
Fanny packs

Oh

We are in our hotel room waiting for room service to bring our breakfast. We stayed out until midnight last night so we were very tired as we are like old people and usually go to bed around ten.

Yesterday was fun. We got an ugly red rental car and got lost quite a bit on the way to the hotel and to Jared’s house (Ron’s poker coach). We ate some yummy food at Noodle Asia at the Venetian and I played a little poker before watching Ron play a wild game of Pot Limit Omaha with a bunch of friends and professional poker players. It was rather intimidating as they pulled out thick wads of hundred dollar bills. Ron lost, but it was still a fun experience.

I’m feeling pretty good. Just trying to relax and have fun with my honey. Wish us luck today as I assume we are going to be playing a lot of poker…

air

I am writing this in the airplane. All I see our blue seats, the wing, murky desert hills and sky. I take my free flowing klonopin, the only drug that can get me to actually go on a plane and feel calm, collected and Catherine. I have a routine, once we get to the airport, through security and checking our bags, I go to the nearest shop and buy a coke and some m&ms (my airliner comfort). We try to sit in the exit row as I get claustrophobic easily and the extra room helps. Not this time though as the exit rows were full. Second best is a seat in the back and hoping someone doesn’t sit next to us, not so lucky this time. Then I eat my candy and read a magazine until we take off. Once we take off, I rest, I write. I always tend to think deeply on the airplane so it’s a good time to get my thoughts out. The klonopin helps as it slows down racing thoughts and anxiety and helps me think straight.

I painted my nails dark red and am ready for the day. Tonight we are meeting some of Ron’s friends to play a poker game. It should be fun but I am a little nervous about meeting new people. I am really shy and I hope that doesn’t come across as me being rude or uncaring.

I am trying to break some of my bad habits, one of them being to stop finishing people’s sentences. I hate when I do that, and I do it every time someone fumbles over their words. It’s a sign of not actively listening, my mind races and guesses what they will say next. I am trying to do better.

Wish me luck in more ways than one.

xox

Seashells

Here is the Mary I am thinking of getting on my forearm. I think she is quite beautiful and introspective.

Today I have therapy. My medication will be raised which could be good/bad/good. Good because it may help me feel better, bad because it adds another pill to my repertoire.

I have our packing list all ready for Vegas. I have a love-hate relationship with packing. Actually more of a hate relationship with packing. But soon we will be off to a good time in the city of sin.