caribou

I woke up in the middle of the night wanting to cry over my dad. I almost woke you up but you were so calm sleeping beside me. I don't know how my dad can be so blank and seemingly heartless. We'll be seeing him soon and all I want to say to him is goodbye.

Shannon and I are ebay-ers now. Selling things and planning our sloe gin betty escape from the working world. We have one bid but it's from my mother in-law so though it is sweet it doesn't really seem to count. Tonight the boys are going to the whiskey fest so Shannon and I are going to have an ebay party with a glass or two of booze. I don't know how to be a model, we don't know how to take good pictures, we aren't so good at organizing but it's fun to learn together and try new things like struggling artists.

My red nail polish is chipping just like my soul. I'm feeling moderate today. I was able to clean up the apartment and have energy to redecorate some and clean up my art room but I miss the steady hand, steady heart, being able to close my mouth without my teeth chattering. I want to be a smooth, cinder-calm artistic girl who is strong and stable and effortless.