I'm feeling mostly better from the dank putrid cold. Now back to normal life. But not so normal...instead its a looming week since my parents are coming to town on Wednesday. Thursday is the big meeting and I am practicing and nervous and oh so Catherine about it. The thing is I'm just afraid of falling apart and being rejected. I'm afraid I won't get my point across. I'm afraid they will promise to change in the moment but won't actually change at all. I'm afraid of really losing them. One of the big control freak things I'm worried about is getting the apartment clean. My mom is a neat freak and I want everything to be impressive and perfect to hide how falling apart I really am. Bad I suppose in one respect, but in another it's something to do, a way to cope, a way to feel a little more stable.
Also we are moving quite, quite soon. So already to finding boxes (a score in the dumpster yesterday finding about five), already to getting rid of things our dining room is full of things to bring to Goodwill. Then to organizing, packing during the turnaround, and taking it all apart in order to put back together in a new dream house.
Today to grocery shopping in a nice slow budget friendly way and to cleaning the apartment top to bottom and to feeling that nervous fear/excitement lumped in the middle.
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The little things that make the day brighter.
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