drink

I feel messy today. Still in my pajamas with a frowny face; nothing cheers me up. I'm down about several things and the depression slithers in closer like a sick lover that I despise. He puts his arm around me and tries to settle me down as I panic at his closeness. His stagnant breath on my cheek, his eyes peering through my sick flesh.

Drinking is easy. Drinking can make your cares fade for a few moments. But drinking to end cares is not for me. Even though I crave it along with cigarettes terribly when I'm down. Nicotine and alcohol are wonderful ways to whore yourself out to the needs of the flesh. Instead I settle with the occasional drink and I allow my lust for caffeine to run rampantly.

Its hard when the demon is with me. Its hard when he is away because I anticipate him coming back filled with vengeance. Troubles, troubles, I am troubled. To get through the day unscathed--that is my wish and hope.

Good things:

Ronald
Love in the Time of Cholera
Coffee

Bad things:

Weight
Waiting
Medication
Swollen fingers
Tears
The demon
Weekends ending too soon
Side effects