"I don't dance anymore, think I'd like to I've lost touch."

I'm down this morning. I woke up thinking "I hate Tuesdays" and can't get the thought out of my head. I'm so tired of having the blues and being so exhausted.

I'm meeting with Dr. K today and we need to have a serious talk about what is going on with me. I don't think the Lamictal is working and I think we need to try something else. Its scary to switch medications because of all the side effects. The side effect I am most worried about is weight gain as I have already gained so much weight being on Abilify. Oh well, I need to remember that my feeling good is more important than the number on the scale but that can be hard when you live in a skinny-mini town in California.

Its hard to be struggling so much. I have one or two moderate days where I can smile and laugh and have a little fun followed by a mass of bad days where getting out of bed is difficult. The little things of being sick drive me crazy like the house is a mess, I don't cook dinner, I don't get out of the house. Not because I don't want to, but because I feel that I can't. My body and mind and soul scream that I can't.

But he, Ronald, is sweet and understanding. He works for us, comes home and cleans, takes Tuesdays off to take me to my appointments, doesn't care what size I am, spoils me with the things I need to be creative, loves me in spite of myself. I'm so thankful to have him in my life