Accept

Last night Ron and I were talking about how I need to come to grips with where I am right now. I'm in a dark place, a place where I can only focus on surviving. I am immersed in my struggles because they take up all my energy. I was talking about how when I am doing well I can immerse myself in other things than only my hard time, but now isn't one of those times. Now its a fight to get through the days unscathed and level headed and I need to accept that. I need to be ok with that.

Maybe I can't craft as much as I like to, I can't start working on my Etsy store dream, I can't write like I used to, I can't go out as often as I would like to, I can't keep the house as clean as I would like, I can't cook as much as I want to. But I am surviving right now, and in survival mode you have to let everything go and have your only focus be providing for your immediate needs.

So in that light here is my new life plan:

Get out of bed every morning
Eat lots of fruit and vegetables
Journal when I can
Craft when I have the energy
Keep the house somewhat livable and ask Ron for help
Read as often as I can
Watch movies
Keep my chin up
Continue blogging
Take care of myself physically (shower, paint nails, put on perfume, brush hair)
Ask for what I want
Pay the bills
Take care of the dogs
Go to the grocery store for flowers and produce once a week

I hate living like this. It makes me feel like such a failure. But really I need to remember that I am in a battle for my life and I need to let everything go and focus on fighting as hard as I can.

This is life simplified to the lowest common denominator. Maybe I will learn something. Maybe I will let go. Wish me luck.