My parents are still here. Our get togethers are awkward and uncomfortable. I am so overwhelmed with everything that is going on: the turnaround, the house, the parents; I feel sick to my stomach. I just want to sleep and cry, I'm getting thrown into a mild depression all topsy and turvy.
Ron starts the turnaround today. He only has to work until about 2:30 if things go as planned so that isn't so bad. But this week it begins. I have to focus on packing, art, resting and getting through without the restlessness, the thoughts that trail me like vultures.
The loan process for the house is really starting now, we should know by the end of the week if we got the loan. I'm cynical about the whole thing. Quite positive that just like most everything else, this too will end in failure. But to hope and laying waste to this thrill shrill anxiousness.
The parents are luckily leaving tomorrow. I have so much to process with the meeting, still so much anger and frustration toward them that being with them is nail biting. Just Shannon and I are hanging out today and that is especially scary. I will get through it and send them home tomorrow.
I just need to rest and assuage this restlessness that crinkle creeps through me constantly. I just don't feel like myself these days. I just feel like a trembling shell, an empty soul.
The good news is it has been raining for the last two days and is beautiful out. We had our first fire in the fireplace last night. If I can get myself to gently focus just a bit I can get a lot done during this time. I can do so much art, writing, packing it could be brilliant. The especially good news is I only have two days before I can see dr K and explain this constant jittering that is eating me alive and hopefully get some help.
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