Feelings

Ron is getting a physical from a male nurse at the house for life insurance. Its kind of awkward as first, his name is Carl, and second, he is a male nurse, and third, the dogs are in the garage barking incessantly. It reminds me something that would be in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Here is something I wrote about depression. Its quite graphic and I almost don't want to post it, but this is the most true description I've ever seen of how it feels and what its like. And this is one place where I feel I can be completely honest.

I go to this dark place. This cave where my demon lives, he is always with me, behind my eyelids, in my stomach he looms and yet he is out of me, in situations, in the cave beckoning me to come closer. My demon comes out of the cave with his chains, I sit on the ledge of the cliff, he grabs me drags me in, my fingernails rip apart the skin falls of my arms and hands as I grasp and hold onto the rocky ground. It doesn’t hurt, not as bad as being in the cave so I hold on, grasp and clench at anything that can save me from going back. From being chained up in the darkness. The murky stark darkness of ruin. My death sentence, another bout of depression.