I'm tired and here with red nail polish. Isabelle and Oliver are sleeping next to me all sweet and cuddly. My eyes want to close and I'm terribly yawny. But its another day and to getting through and having a moderate one unlike yesterday.
Last night I dreamt these aliens came that looked like humans but didn't know how to be human, they knew all our thoughts and would come and live with us like exchange students and we had to teach them how to bathe, how to eat, how to sleep, and if we thought something bad about them they would zap us to death. It sounds silly now, but it was so scary in my established dreamland world.
Last night we went to Wal-Mart in our pajamas and bought this craft I can make today. Little cute pom-pom animals, a skunk, a bunny, a squirrel and an owl. They are very sweet and it will be fun to make and act little.
Yesterday was a bad one, I was so down and creeping depressed. Still am now but trying to be more measured about it and to remind myself this is (hopefully) only temporary. There is just this emptiness right in the middle of me that I hate. This hopelessnes, this lack of passion, this lack of substance and the knowledge that it is taking over and this feeling that I'm losing myself. Depression isn't what I thought it was before I had it: just down in the dumps. Instead its like your constantly losing something, like a death in the family feeling with no one else knowing, but you know and know well and scream inside and no one hears. I'm losing something, I'm losing myself in the brick black cave of death.
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